Manifest Destiny

Loved hard once, but the love wasn't returned,
I found out the man I'd die for, he wasn't even concerned.
As time turned, he tried to burn me like a perm,
though my eyes saw the deception, my heart wouldn't let me learn.

Some dumb woman was I, and everytime he would lie, inside I'd die.
My heart must've died a thousand deaths,
compared myself to Toni Braxton thought I'd never catch my breath.
Nothing left, he stole the heart beating from my chest,
I tried to call the cops but that type of thief they can't arrest.
Pain supressed, will lead to cardiac arrest,
diamonds deserve diamonds, but he convinced me I was worth less.

When my people would protest,
told them mind they business cause my shit was complex, more than just the sex,
I was blessed but couldn't feel it like when I was caressed,
I spent nights clutching my breast overwhelmed by God's test
I was God's best, contemplating death with a Gilette
but no man is ever worth the paradise,
manifest.

Where were you when I needed you?

(For once) it's (not) about J

That's when he finished.

I sit back, face of stone; couldn't really say I was surprised. Focusing on the paper I'd dropped, I barely notice my father still looking at me, boreing into me with his eyes, probably expecting a response.

"You'll be worse than your sister," he says, strung with filipino curse words I'd grown accustomed to. I'm still sitting there, still staring. Small mistakes mean alot in my house these days. I turn to leave, leaving my parents to fight again. My mother defends me well.

As I make my way to my room, all I can think about is You and how I'm ready to vent, on account of the fact that you're the person I can talk to anymore who can provide me with some sense of relief. I keep thinking about how I want you to promise me to keep me on track and on point in order to contrast everything that my father expects of me. Punching the familiar numbers into my phone, I come to the realization, wearing what I believe to be a bewildered expression on my face, that the only person who can keep me on track, is me. Took me long enough.

-

Waking up this morning and seeing his toothbrush in my washroom, was the most painful thing I ever did see.